From front porches to backyard fences, we are changing how we relate to people.

I don’t remember who was talking about it – I have too many conversations with people about too many topics. But we were talking about how neighborhoods changed when front porches declined and backyards became a thing. I’m thinking it also is changing how we related to people.

Front porches preferred

Used to be, people used their front porches for more than decoration. On hot summer evenings, people would sit on the front porch to enjoy the cooler air (houses weren’t air conditioned) and visit. They would talk to each other and to those who passed by on the sidewalk. Neighbors knew each other. There were more than mere nods that pass for acknowledgment today.

Living in Tennessee, I notice many houses have big front porches. Often, they have nice furniture — wicker chairs, slatted swings, cushions, tables, lighting – but not people. It’s too hot to sit outside during the day, and most people prefer the ever-present air conditioning anyway.

Front porches seem to be just for decoration now.

 

Fenced backyards for privacy

But before air-conditioning turned everyone into hermits, backyards pulled people off their porches.

In the conversation I had (someone please remind me who I was talking to about it!), it was suggested that people started using backyards to have more privacy. Rather than sit on the front porch and interact with the world, people started spending their time tucked behind their home’s façade, enclosed in their own space.

If it was fenced, well, even better. You never would need to interact with the neighbors again. You were walled in, as it were, in your own little castle.

I’ve been reading a fiction book about a castle, and I’ve read other books and seen movies depicting castle life. Most castles were bustling places. In addition to the family who lived there, servants and a multitude of guests called it home. They really were like small cities, in a way. You didn’t have much solitude living in a castle community.

And yet, we seem to seek it out now. We want our own space, our own house or home, maybe with a backyard and a fence.

Are we looking to keep people out? Or keep ourselves in?

If you have a backyard barbecue, are you likely to invite the neighbors? Or just family and friends? Do we entertain at all? Or are we so shut off that we just go about our own business entirely?

 

Reach out

I had a conversation with a friend recently about reaching out to people. We both feel – sometimes anyway – that we are the ones who reach out to others. We noted that we both have friends and family who won’t call us – we always have to be the ones to reach out first.

I’m not sure if this is a personality trait in us or others.

Rather than let it bother me, I recognize if I want to see someone, I need to make it happen. Priority is key.

Think about this. You are at the grocery store and run into someone you haven’t seen in a while. It’s someone you’d like to spend time visiting, and you both agree you should get together.

And that’s it. The next time you see that person, it’s months later at another event, and again you agree you should get together.

With me, if I really want to see that person, I’ll make it a priority. Rather than say, “Let’s get together sometime,” I say, “Get out your calendar, and let’s pick a date.” Often, I’m met with an incredulous look. “If we don’t schedule it, it won’t happen,” I explain. And because we’ve all done it, the other person agrees, and we actually set a time to get together.

And then we get together and agree it was pleasant and that we really need to do it again.

 

Connect with others

If it’s difficult for us to connect with the people we know and like, how much more difficult is it for us to connect with people we don’t know, who are strangers or nearly so?

Trading front porches for fenced backyards turns us more into ourselves.

Maybe that’s not a bad thing. But for social creatures, people who rely on others for companionship, friendship and love, it’s curious.

I’m of both minds, I guess. I enjoy my solitude. The backyard with a fence is a comforting place. But meeting new people on the front porch can be exciting, and you never know what sort of friendship might be sparked by reaching out. Front porches as a metaphor might help us connect.

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How to Be a Better Writer Tip

Find a balanced level of description

I mentioned that I’ve been reading a work of fiction that includes castle life. The writing is a bit flowery, in my opinion. Readers get a lot of detail about how things smell, what they look like, where they are located. I understand the importance of painting a picture with words. It helps place your reader in your world. But this book seems a little too littered with excess language.

I’ve learned to skim certain passages, because I know it’s just going to be description.

My journalism background causes me to write with a lot of exposition. I want to explain things simply. Provide the details, then move on. This is great for a news story. Not so much for a novel.

Writing sometimes requires more description. The author needs to set the scene and draw you in. Simply providing the background won’t work.

Somewhere between my preferred writing style and that of the author I’m reading now is likely a happy medium.

As you consider what you’re writing, think about how much description you need. Does the color of your protagonist’s shirt matter? What about the color of his eyes?

There’s no right or wrong answer – unless you go too far one way or the other. You don’t want to distract your reader with too much description, but you don’t want your writing to be so bare that there’s no decoration.

You might find your preferred level of description by thinking about your favorite book or author. Chances are, that book or writer achieves the level of description you enjoy the most. Think about the words in that book or by that author. Is it excessively descriptive, sparse or somewhere in the middle?

Then, consider your writing. Is it overly descriptive, too bare or just right?