She, her, hers.

It’s just a simple line at the bottom of an email signature, but it lets me know what to say. Displaying personal pronouns, like she/her/hers, is gaining popularity.

As a former journalist, wrapping my head around plural pronouns for singular entities is a challenge. Each time I hear “they/their” used for one person, I mentally cringe.

I’m getting better. I still pause, but I can say the words. It’s becoming almost second nature with a few people I know who’ve chosen the plural “they/their” to better reflect their identity.

I’m OK with that. It’s the grammar part that brings me up short.

If you’re not an editor, an English major or some other sort of word nerd, you probably don’t know or don’t care about pronouns. It’s just something you learned in school (and promptly forgot).

But it’s way back in early childhood that we learned how language sounded and what sounded “right.”

Learning pronouns by listening

We learn language by listening. No one teaches us grammar as an infant, toddler or preschooler. It isn’t until elementary school that we start to learn the parts of speech and how they work together. And that’s when we learn that we’ve learned by “sound,” correctly or incorrectly. If the people who raised us used English properly, then we likely learned it that way, too.

That’s also where we get our accents. Across America, we learn American English, but our accents give away our location. We may not think we have a Midwestern or a Wisconsin accent, but Charlie Berens of Manitowoc Minute fame begs to differ.

It’s the same wherever you go. Living in Tennessee, I was called “hon” by lot from people who spoke more slowly and often with a drawl.

That’s what they learned when they learned to talk.

When I went to Portugal, I realized it’s the same there. They speak English (a second language) with the accent of the person from whom they learned. It’s not an American accent, but it’s English you can understand nonetheless.

We all learn by hearing and repeating.

And when we say something incorrect, it often will sound “wrong.”

Which brings me back to pronouns.

First we learn “I/me/my/mine” and then “you/your/yours.” “He/him/his” and “she/her/hers” follow, as well as “it/its” and “they/their/theirs.”

I still remember teachers asking if something “sounded” right. In other words, did we choose the word that sounded like we’d learned it?

Writing and pronouns

Becoming a journalist, writer and editor meant learning even more grammar, but the basics were there. It was now a matter of paying attention to when something was singular or plural. A business, for example, is singular, so you use “it/its” to describe it. Same with a sports team, a city or a class.

Mostly it meant memorizing a few things that were considered singular by The Associated Press.

And then gender fluidity became a thing.

I was out of newspaper writing at that point, but I’ve watched it change, and I’ve learned to accept plural pronouns for individuals.

In fact, it’s sometimes easier to use them than to try and figure out if someone prefers one pronoun over another. Just like spelling someone’s name right or pronouncing it properly, pronouns are important to people.

So I have to say I appreciate it when people tell me up front which pronouns they prefer. Of course, when you talk to someone (you) it’s easier than when you talk about them/him/her.

Suffice it to say, if you’d like to add your preferred pronouns to your email signature or social media tagline, I’m all for it. And I’ll do my best to use your preferences.

---

How to Be a Better Writer Tip

Change and change your mind

A few years ago, I wrote that I preferred new pronouns for individuals who didn’t want to use those based on male or female gender.

But I’ve changed my mind. People are individuals and should be able to choose which pronoun they prefer and identify with. It can even change over time.

That’s the beauty of life. We can change and adapt. We can grow and think and make new choices, new decisions. And later, we can do it again.

Be flexible with your writing, too. Let it flow, change and grow. Don’t be hemmed in by what you’ve always done.

I used to say I’d never write a book. But I did.

Then, I thought I’d never write a novel.

Well, 100,000+ words later, I have a novel.

Allow yourself to change and to change your mind.

Just keep writing, if that’s really what you want to do.