Why do we stay?

I pondered this question a lot lately, as I stayed longer in Wisconsin than I originally planned.

Of course, I’m not staying permanently. But I felt I needed to stay for a while longer, to set things in motion. To set things right. Perhaps that’s the subject of another column.

As summer wound down to fall, I was slow to acclimate. It was too cold. First 60s (15-20 C), then 50s (10-15 C) and 40s (5-10 C). Now, highs are in the 30s (0-4 C). Each step down in temperature meant another layer of clothing for me. I’ve borrowed hats, gloves, sweaters, leggings and long socks. Fortunately, my jacket is waterproof and windproof, even if the lining for it sits in a closet in Tennessee.

Now, the first hints of winter are here – snow dusted the landscape, coating grass, trees and roofs. It’s pretty, I’ll admit, sparkling in the faded morning sun. But I know what’s coming.

So does every other person living here.

Why do we stay?

I’m only here temporarily this time. My end date is in sight, and yet for millions of people, Wisconsin is home, year-round. Including the six months of winter-like weather, which some years stretches to nine months …

Why do they live here?

Some may legitimately like winter. If you cross-country ski, snowmobile or ice fish, it’s a fine choice, although winter conditions aren’t always conducive to those pastimes, either. It may be too cold or not snowy enough.

If you listen to people, though, most don’t like the snow and cold – the extremes. They start to complain as the temperatures drop. (To be fair, they also complain when it’s too hot and tops out in the 90s (32+ C) during the summer. Perhaps we just like to complain.)

Why did I stay?

Is it because they have jobs and houses and families here?

Quite likely. That’s why we stayed: family. We had young children, and we thought it would be good to have family close by. And it was, when they were quite young.

Many of us likely stayed because this is where we were raised. That was the case for me. Had I grown up in Minnesota or Wyoming, I likely would have stayed if I had a young family and my parents and extended family were close by. Generations grow up and spread out in a fairly close geographic area.

But others get by without family near. Some people leave their hometowns and make their lives in new places. They move for school, a job or opportunity, maybe meet someone, get married, have children and perhaps visit “home” for the occasional holiday or event. It’s a trend that shifts people away from a family-centered focus. Friends – the family we choose – become even more important.

Jobs and houses – those can change. Our possessions – mostly just stuff to make our lives easier or prettier. Clinging too tightly makes it all seem ethereal – like a dream that will dissipate if we disturb it too much.

Are we stuck?

Do we stay because we don’t want to change? Because we fear it? Change? The unknown?

Perhaps. That’s logical. Despite change being the only constant, we tend to like our routines and feel most comfortable when things are predictable.

Are we simply complacent?

That’s where I was at. I couldn’t see beyond my own backyard. In my mind, my life was what it was going to be. Rarely did I allow myself to consider something else, another possibility. Usually, doing so made me sad and disheartened.

Instead, I was resigned to my life. That’s a good word for it. Resigned. It doesn’t paint a pretty picture, does it?

I was complacent. Not content but resigned to living here, living that life. I was stuck.

I realize now, it’s not so much about a place as about you, yourself, as a person. No matter where you go, there you are. Changing your location won’t change you. That’s a separate process.

Why do we go?

Still, there are warmer places, where it’s not winter for half of the year. Places where you can enjoy being outside in “winter,” and not freeze your face, fingers and toes. These other places have jobs and houses and beautiful things to see and new things to do and people to become friends.

Wisconsin is beautiful, truly. It’s a lovely place, especially in the heart of summer and early fall, when the leaves are colorful and the skies bright blue. I’m pleased I was able to visit for such a long time this year, to experience the green of summer and even this slide into winter. Perhaps that will help me appreciate the warmth of warmer climes in a few weeks.

Every person has a reason for staying – for choosing Wisconsin as a full-time home.

Not me. Not anymore. I’ll keep my memories and look back fondly. When possible, I’ll visit family and friends here. My “home” is much more ephemeral, with little to fix me more than semi-permanently to any one spot.

Why do we stay? Why do we go?

I stayed because I couldn’t conceive of anything different. And I left for the very same reason.

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How to Be a Better Writer Tip

Not good enough

I re-read a Neil Gaiman book, “The Graveyard Book,” recently, and it contained a series of questions and answers with the author as well as a speech he wrote when the book was named a Newbery Medal winner. Gaiman had the idea for the book more than 20 years before he wrote it. He said he started it, but it wasn’t very good. He knew it was a good idea, but he recognized he wasn’t a good enough writer to do it justice.

Twenty-five years later, over the course of several years, he wrote the book, mostly as a series of stories.

I like Gaiman as an author. It was interesting that he recognized as a young writer that he wasn’t as good as he wanted to be or that he knew he could – or would — be. He put the idea aside and worked on other projects, honing his skills and his craft, until he was a better writer.

We aren’t born writers. Oh, we may have a proclivity for writing – words may come easier for some of us, just as math is easier or makes more sense to some people. However, both writing and math are skills we can learn. If necessary – or desired – we can turn it into something more. We can become good at it, with study and practice over time.

Gaiman recognized he wanted to be a better writer and took steps and did the work to get there.

If you want to be a better writer, you can be. It will take work – learning, practicing, succeeding and failing.